I don’t know exactly what it was that made me aware of it.
But somehow it did.
I realized that my eye was wandering.
Looking at some random boys just a bit too long.
Or even looking away, making sure to not give any attention.
But it was this video I saw passing my eyes before falling asleep.
About a boy.
He was looking quite good and his body was very fit.
Let me put is like this.
I believe a lot of women would find him very handsome or even attractive.
And I have to admit, my eyes were wandering too long, just a little bit.
Although I became aware of my eyes who were taking a leap.
It was actually my body that was trying to tell me something.
It was not that I was drewling over him, or thought things he could do with me.
Although I could imagine women to have these thoughts about him.
But what I did think was : ‘the body looks nice, and it is ok I guess that he is walking out of the sea smooth and slowly’.
‘However can he also take care of me?’
Of course I also understood that this is just content that is being spread on the internet.
This is just my interpretation of it.
But the message of my body was just this.
I have the feeling my body is preparing me for some relationship.
And I believe the preparation of such a thing, starts long before that.
I don’t know why, but I even looked at some picture from my ex.
Not that I wanted to get back with him, but just to rule out this type.
And by looking at his pictures I was making sure of that.
When it comes to attracting the right kind, it is also ruling out certain things.
Combined with some actions that are connected to it.
And perhaps then, I find this person I want to give a kiss.
Because I didn’t even spoke about being intimate.
But maybe that is all a bit too much.
Maybe I should start with just some food and see what happens.
I think I am just a little bit afraid of what is coming towards me and at the same time I am still trying to find here some stability.
I guess all of this is the beauty of life in general.
To find what is good and works for you.
The unknow, I find sometimes a bit scary, just for me to know that all will be good and I just have to keep on going.
For now I am still in the process of looking at the boys around me, of the boys my eyes want to show me.
Once I am finished with that, I will see what happens next.