‘How old are you?’
A question that is rising more often.
Soon after I say my age, the question is sometimes: ‘Do you still want children?’
Not so much in a sense of dating, but it is the way Dutch people are speaking.
It was one time when I was working in the restaurant that I said ‘I am 38’.
I think the customer was overwhelmed by that number and said : ‘You need to hurry before getting children’.
He was sitting there with his two little kids and I was just joking a little bit with them.
That there was ice cream for them waiting if they could sit on their bump and praising them that they were good for finishing their plate.
Perhaps their dad was just looking for a mother.
That he was speaking to me in that way.
However I couldn’t really tell as I was just serving their food.
A few years ago, I would have been offended about what he said, that I needed to hurry before getting children and perhaps I would even have taken the answer as a guide.
However with the understanding that I have now.
It is typical Dutch, to say things that are not completely aligned.
Also the Dutch tend to give their opinion without anyone asking.
And I can say it in this way, because I am only Dutch on paper.
It is not my identity.
But the age related to children has been on my mind for some time.
It would have been weird, if it wasn’t like that.
Although the customer said it in a way, that wasn’t really appropriate.
It is more apparent for women to think of just that.
It was a conversation I had with my friend.
She is the same age as me, or just a little bit older.
She was telling me that she would like to have another child.
Although she already has 3, she said something that it was for her, about the experience.
Before it might not ever happen again.
And as she was saying this out loud, it wasn’t something that I was thinking.
It was more that I felt at ease, how I was feeling about this topic.
Age connected with getting children.
I don’t feel any rush or that I am pushed.
And that is ironic to write it like this.
When speaking about getting children.
It was already a few years ago that I made my decision about this.
I want my body to be ready when I want to have children.
Perhaps I want to be ready in general.
However, I also know what the right time is not always possible.
For me, it is about having a certain stability and security.
To provide a base not just for my children.
But a base for myself, so I have the headspace and time to give them what is necessary to grow up.
Because for me, getting children has nothing to do with delivering a baby.
A piece of paper, when we talk about adoption.
Or any other form, I am forgetting.
But it is for me to understand what to do when the baby cries, without losing myself in that process.
Just as a little example.
Because what is a child without a foundation?
With understanding this. It has nothing to do with age.
It is about that I come first.
In the first place.
I understand it is a bit different than usual.
Not everyone thinks in this way.
But once I came to this realization, I felt good about it and didn’t think too much anymore about my age connected with getting children.
Because I know that I will have them when I get there.
But before all that, I need to start to find a lover first.