There is a story I wrote, where I questioned if my father loved my mother.
Of course this doesn’t come out of nowhere, but it has been something I have been thinking about lately.
Perhaps because it was father’s day.
I was thinking about this boy that I have been meeting.
Where I didn’t feel even a single feeling.
However I was thinking it might change when I will just be patient.
Because being patient doesn’t mean to be waiting, but to take the right actions.
One of these actions is perhaps even writing this story.
Just something I am feeling and trusting on.
What I try to say is when I think that when it comes to questioning my father loving my mother.
I don’t know really.
And there is not a way that I can ask them personally, since both of them already died.
But what I think, with the knowledge that I have from my late parents and the things that I have been experiencing in my love life and love journey.
This is also what I tell more about in my story ‘Secret Love’.
It is that I always felt more love than the partner that I have been with and I believe this is related to my mother.
Who did the same thing.
It was for her a way to stay, because perhaps there wasn’t any other option to love and to be.
Because she was living in a certain system where it wasn’t possible, maybe even not allowed to have a deeper love.
A deeper love that was provided by the system.
I was thinking, perhaps this is what still is happening till this day.
Perhaps this is why we are looking so much and talking so much about love.
Because the system that we are living is not providing.
I was just wondering.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a system that can do it.
Maybe it is even my own system, now I think of it, because I am asking all these questions.
It is really a bit funny if that would be the truth.
It might even be the greatest love story of all time.
When I think of it, it is making me laugh a little.
What I mean is that I think that at least my mother had feelings for my father, perhaps even he had feelings for her too.
But as I already found out, boys are having a hard time expressing their feelings.
If there was love between them.
It is a grey area and perhaps not even something I should try to find.
Because they were living in the caste system, where I can’t say if that is something where love can flourish.
Simply because I am not living in that system.
But you know.
It doesn’t mean that I should stop looking for love, only if that was a mystery in their love story.
If they loved each other.
However, it makes me wonder.
Perhaps because they were living in a system where, they were not able to experience love.
From my own opinion.
It could be that this is something that I am still feeling and is in someway a block with people that I should be loving. To say my future partner.
But wouldn’t the solution be just to live in the system, where love could flourish?