With one of my lovers I had some words.
Arguing is not something I like, but sometimes it just happens.
He had said it already a couple of times.
“They gave you clothes and a roof above your head, you should be more appreciative”.
He was talking about my adoptive parents and even called himself in this argument we had, the advocate of the devil.
Words I had heard many times, not only from him, for me to understand it was a test of the universe, to know where I am in this story.
When it comes to my adoption, or better to say the people that filed the adoption papers.
It has nothing to do with wearing the clothes they bought or eating the food they provided.
A path I walked, I can tell from experience.
It were words that were said to me, that I started to question.
That I need to be thankfull and appreciative, for everything they had done.
Like I wasn’t enough and just another burden.
This is at least how it made me feel.
It is soft to say that the last thing for someone coming out of horific situation, like I did, you can’t expect them to be thankful and appreciative.
As for the simple reason, they are too young to understand and have no recollection of even what that means.
But what to expect from people that expect things like that?
I am happy that I grew up and came to fully understand.
That staying with this adoptive family was a burden that was too heavy on my heart.
So, the only option was for me to be leaving.
I didn’t run, not even said goodbye.
I didn’t know what it was I needed to find, but I grew up somehow, using the things in my power.
Not provided by anyone or anything.
It was basically just me.
Somehow I found a way to raise myself and grow up.
Perhaps this is the reason I have to write my autobiography.
So the world will get to know a bit more about me and understand there is more to the story.