I stared at the screen of my phone.
I didn’t know what to think.
‘What had I just done?’
It must have come out of the blue.
I didn’t have the intention to break up.
But I felt I needed to do it.
For myself.
For my own protection and wellbeing.
‘Hee. I don’t think we should meet anymore. As much as I really like to meet and be around you.
I think we are not looking for the same thing. I feel I am worried about it and I am not in the mood to be in that place. I am sorry to say, because I really enjoy being with you and I enjoy the sex a lot. But I think it is just better for me’.
I looked again at the words.
Even if I was reading the words over and over again.
Somehow it didn’t make me feel good.
As much as I was proud to have said those words.
It was an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction.
It gave me more worries than I already had about this situation.
Was it just convenient for him to not meet and give ‘the reason’ that he was working all day?
Whatever that meant.
Was it an excuse?
Was it an excuse to not meet, because he was working all day (on a Sunday)?
It sounded like an excuse to me.
An easy way out.
To just not confront the situation.
I felt I did the right thing, to end it.
Feeling good about it was something else.
I was wondering.
Has the world become such a place, that whenever we feel the need to stick up for ourselves we start to feel bad about it. Whilst the person that is not confronting the situation just walks out.
That is also a question.
Or am I being too judgemental here, afraid of whatever it could be between us?
And then I hadn’t even started about his ‘thumbs up’ as a reaction to my words.
Since when is that a reaction to a comforting way to let someone know that we shouldn’t be meeting anymore.
Is the lack of communicative skills something we should worry about?
Or is this just something that is now part of society and we should just compromise.
For the sake of..
For something that could work and perhaps even turn into real love?
It is leaving me with the thought.
Has the world become something we give up easily?