I don’t know if it is that I am getting comfortable with my age, however it is something that I am not identifying with.
Age, numbers, how it is we should behave.
I don’t know if this makes me look younger than I am.
I do have to say that I am young at heart, the same as my mind.
But it is the outside that counts, what it is that people perceive.
As that is the world that I have come to know. To be judged on the outside, so to speak.
Age has come to be in that box, of how we should be.
I felt at one point angry today.
People want to eat at times that I think they shouldn’t.
Of course, this is what my experience is, working in a restaurant.
The strong emotions started to fade. I don’t know if this is because I am ‘getting older’, however we are speaking about matters of months.
‘Creativity doesn’t make itself bind’, is what I just heard the other day.
I was having a tough time writing.
It wasn’t as such that I didn’t know what to write, I was feeling it in my fingers.
The story already in my hand, but just not able to get the words out.
Frustrating the least. A blockage I was facing.
‘Whenever I see you, I feel a blockage’, is what I heard.
Someone that wanted to have a drink with me, and didn’t understand this feeling.
I said many things to answer that emotion from the guy who spoke this with his vulnerability.
The point I made, is that I am perceiving love as a man. Not wanting to be attached, the feeling of being free. ‘Whenever I get involved, it is always getting a mess’.
The guys wanting more than at first considered. Too many things that I can’t handle and I don’t want to be involved with.
Perhaps it is something I should take into account to reconsider and change.
‘But of course I want something physical’, is what I said. ‘The rest can be left behind and I don’t want to think about that’.
But when it comes to age, I had my breakthrough just after a small conversation.
Someone that thought I was 24 years old.
It wasn’t about the setting, me working at the restaurant, where most people are around that age.
But it was that I understood that the guy who told me, he thought ‘I was just a little older than him’.
Was perceiving the guess of my age, of something that he considered.
A consideration of his own spectrum of experiences and how he was perceiving the world.
To make it understood for himself. Perhaps even where he could be at ease.
It is that I understood the importance of age has nothing to do with me.
But the world has grown like this, that we need outside information to make the system work.
With knowing this, I can bend it to the benefit of myself and let go of the concept of age.
Where and how I fit in.
More important is that you follow your heart and do what you like, become the person you already are.
And age, well.
You are what you are, age has nothing to do with that.