The Love Journey of Lakshmi
It isn’t that I am looking for anything.
Speaking of love or dating.
I am just working and focussed on what I am supposed to be doing.
And I have to admit, sometimes I have no clue what that is.
But when it comes to love, things happen without that we even know it.
Not that I am aware of it, but perhaps because I am just focussed on myself, I somehow notice it.
It was when I was working in the restaurant.
I drink coffee.
To take away or just one next to my laptop, when I am writing a story.
At a café or just at home.
But when it comes to coffee, I believe it has a little bit of mystery around it.
I don’t really know how to explain it.
But it is something that happened on several occasions, while I was getting a coffee that started to make me wonder.
It was late, close to midnight.
There were some drinks and even some cigarettes.
Not that I was smoking any of them.
However sometimes I do, whenever I am in the mood or just because it is that kind of night.
But today I wasn’t.
Surely I am not a smoker.
It is that I am in a low when it is comes to dating.
I am not seeing anyone. I don’t think of any guy(s).
Even when I see a guy that looks good, it doesn’t make my mind spin.
My fantasy is not taking a leap with me.
Not that I am a saint, but more that I am too busy with other things.
Making plans, understand what I am doing.
Trying to think ahead and somewhere in between sleeping.
And even if I feel that my eyes are looking a bit too close, because there is a gentleman passing, it is my head that turns and brings back the focus of what I am supposed to be doing.
However it was something that I was thinking that made me starting thinking a bit different.
There are some stories that I am reading.
About women, where they find a partner, that is already in a relationship with another woman.
I am always amazed, because I always read that every single woman in these stories are telling that ‘they shouldn’t be doing that’.
However they continue, because there are stories outthere where the man chooses to be with ‘the other woman’. And this is something they are holding on to.
It is long I have struggled with the relationship with my mother.
A connection never lost, since we were separated, when our ways parted in Mumbai, India.
However the connection got lost somehow.
Not necessarily to be found, but due to space, time and the way of living.
Not by circumstance.
It is the reconnection of her presence. To understand her passing.
To grieve a loss that is part of life.
We all loose someone that is dear to our heart at one point in our life.
But it makes me wonder, what it is that makes it special.
This reconnection with my mother.
Perhaps it was a little bit of a weird thought that I was having.
I was on my bike, cycling in the city.
On my way to do some groceries.
I had in mind to make one of my favorites curries.
One I hadn’t made for a long time.
But that was not the weird thought that I was having.
It was something that crossed my mind, when I was on that cycle.
It could even be related to the new moon, that was just yesterday and perhaps this was some residue energy I was feeling.
It must have been a long time since I went out.
However when I think about it, that is not completely true.
It was maybe a long time ago since I had this similar feeling, that I had, when going out like the way I did.
But at the moment I was having this epiphany, perhaps even the experience, it didn’t feel like it was that long ago, however it wasn’t yesterday also.
Although the information I am receiving is about someone I know.
The truth is that we are not together and I have to understand what I need to be doing, to be involved in the right way.
It is not that I am desperate or am trying to get involved, only because I have been receiving this kind of information.
In that sense, I am disconnecting from this and would like to understand what it is that I need in a relationship.
Apart from knowing it is him.
After the realization I found yesterday, that there is a new love waiting for me.
With a boy that I have already met.
I need some time to let that sink.
Perhaps, also as a preparation of what is coming.
And I have to say, the things that I have seen in my dreams, it will all be worth it.
However some questions did cross my mind.